In Honor Of National Chemistry Week, Here Are 15 Jokes Only Chemists Will Get
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.
Explanation: The atomic symbol for oxygen and potassium are “O” and “K,” respectively. They get together they spell OK. Find the joke here.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
Explanation: The glass is always completely full of something, be it a solid, liquid, or gas — unless the entire thing is in a vacuum and all the atoms are removed. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
Explanation: This is a play on the phrase “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.” But in chemistry a solution is a completely dissolved mixture of two or more compounds, and a precipitate is a a solid that forms from a chemical reaction in a liquid solution. The solid precipitate falls out of solution, and collects in the bottom of the vial. So a precipitate is definitely not part of the solution. Find the joke here.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
Explanation: OK, this is more of a physics joke. A photon is a packet of light and has zero mass. Not only is it literally traveling light (the illuminating kind), it’s also traveling light (as in not heavy).
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Explanation: An alkyne is a common type of carbon compound with one carbon-to-carbon triple bond. They are frequently used and studied in organic chemistry. It’s pronounced like “al kine.” So, alkynes of trouble sounds like all kinds of trouble.
Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? A: He’s 0K now.
Explanation: “0K” here actually stands for zero Kelvin. Kelvin is a temperature scale in which zero is the coldest possible temperature, referred to as absolute zero, where molecules cease to move. A person wouldn’t actually be OK if cooled to absolute zero.
Q: Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up everything!
Explanation: Atoms are the smallest pieces of matter, they make up all of the elements and molecules and proteins and everything else on Earth. They literally make up everything we see, but in the joke they are suggesting that the atoms lie so don’t trust them.
9. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.
Explanation: In chemistry, an alloy is a mixture of metals. Silver and Iron are both metals, so if these guys teamed up they wouldn’t just be allies, they would be alloys too.
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
Explanation: The symbol for sodium on the periodic table is “Na,” which when said as a word is pronounced like nah, another way to say no.
Explanation: We all know James Bond’s famous drink order: Shaken, not stirred. But an ionic bond is formed between two atoms when electrons are taken from one atom by the other, unlike a covalent bond where the atoms share their electrons. And, taken rhymes with shaken.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Q: What element is a girl’s future best friend? A: Carbon.
Explanation: “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend” is a well-known saying. Diamonds are created from carbon under extreme pressurize and over time, so carbon will eventually become “a girl’s best friend” — hence her “future best friend.”
Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems? A: They have all the solutions.
Explanation: In chemistry a solution is the proper name for a mixture where one substance is completely dissolved in another — like sugar or salt in water. Solutions are also the answers to problems. Find the joke here.
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.
Explanation: A benzene ring is a hexagon-shaped ring made out of hydrogen and carbon atoms — so it basically resembles a wheel. “Ferrous” is used an adjective to describe something with iron in it, so a wheel of iron is a Ferrous wheel, which sounds similar to Ferris wheel, the carnival ride.
Which joke/ or jokes that you like the most? I personally love the Ionic Bond, taken, not shared.