Should I let it go…

I recovered after being attacked by a short wave of Amnesia. The memory of the past two weeks is really shaky now. Weird thing was that I completely lost a big chunk of memory about him. Gladly the memory came back within two days, I still felt a little weird out by this, but it is the least of my concern.  What is it that I am concerned about? Well, either I want to be in this relationship, or not.

We had rough spot, the only rough spot, and it hurts even more because I know what it is, my bf has feeling for somebody else.

Have we talked about it? oh sure, we did, maybe twice. The point was that I understood what was going on and I agreed to give us time to fix this together. I am always happy when I am around him, but when I am not, my mind starts having this negative thoughts about him contacting the other girl ( the one he has the feeling for).

I am asking myself ” why am I still feel insecure and lonely in this relationship and still want to be with him?”. The answer is ” I don’t know”. Just like when I asked him why and how he had feeling for her, and his answer simply was that ” I don’t know”.

Will I ever can forgive, forget and trust again?

Will I ever find the one who truly loves me and cares for me?

Will I ever find the one who understands I love him because who he is? not because I want his money or status?

Will I ever feel secure again?

well, I am too young for this still, time to get some drinks.

And possibly move on.

“When you are young, beautiful, charming and lively, if you are all these things and if his eyes are still not placed on you, and if he doesn’t think the world of you and if he doesn’t want to adore you with all he has; he never will”

By kendylau Posted in Blog

The person who hurt me the most is the person who gives me the best relationship advice.

“When you are young, beautiful, charming and lively, if you are all these things and if his eyes are still not placed on you, and if he doesn’t think the world of you and if he doesn’t want to adore you with all he has; he never will.
And there are going to be difficult times in life. Life is simple but it’s not easy. You may get sick, you may become poor, and you will grow old, and it will only get harder, and love may even die any day. Yes if he doesn’t see you now; he never will.”- an important person I used to know. Surprisingly a person who I thought hurt me the most is the one who can give me the best relationship advice. Thanks Evil!

By kendylau Posted in Blog

Relationship- first test!

So after rounds of texting back and forth, Baby boo eventually came out and confessed something that confirmed my hypothesis.

It is 2:38 AM and I can’t sleep, and I have 8AM class tomorrow so I am sure I am going to be dying in lecture hall tomorrow for anatomy.

I want to take a break from this whole dating thing, again, after rounds of texting, visiting back and forth, letters writing and I felt like I had nothing in return, I felt -blank-

And with what he had told me earlier today, I felt betrayed. Didn’t I?

I don’t know, what have I done wrong to deserve this?

Well,  I guess being in a relationship is not automatic proof against getting crushes. It happens. It’s not a question of whether or not it’s going to happen, it’s a question of how you deal with it.

By kendylau Posted in Blog

When my man is in his ACU…


He is looking amazing in your ACU, just the ACU. Well, pretty sure military boys look good in Class A and Class B and whatever the Army guys wear during Military Social Events.

But there is something about the Camo that gets me and takes my breath away, many time.

A year ago, a good friend of my Jeanette and I walked through Cold Field House ( belongs to UMD. It was a home of the basketball team but now is mainly used for events and ROTC training).  We saw many ROTC cadets and sure they looked good in the ACU. I asked Jeanette if I ever one day could date an army boy, and she was like “ hell, why not? lots of pressure and commitment, but why not?”.

Well, sure Jeanette. See me Roar!

Speaking about the ACU, and its camo pattern. It is indeed a super attractive and powerful image. A super strong, super brave and super intelligent individual, and dayummmm the ACU has perfectly represented that image of that. The idea of being self-sacrificing, with strength and discipline, all super attractive qualities.

That was what I wrote in the letter I am going to send him. Shame because we won’t get to see each other this week. I can’t complain, he is government’s property, well, not now, but soon.

By kendylau Posted in Blog

A Letter to my soldier- I want to be with you.

Behind every strong soldier, there is an even stronger woman who stands by him, supports him and loves him with all her heart I am sure we know who this woman is..

It is your Mother.

My love to you can’t never be compared to hers! Yes, you are right, she does a good job raising the devil.

But I am hoping that one day, I can have such privilege to stand behind you, have your back, support and love you with all my heart.

Please let me, my soldier?!

By kendylau Posted in Blog