I recovered after being attacked by a short wave of Amnesia. The memory of the past two weeks is really shaky now. Weird thing was that I completely lost a big chunk of memory about him. Gladly the memory came back within two days, I still felt a little weird out by this, but it is the least of my concern. What is it that I am concerned about? Well, either I want to be in this relationship, or not.
We had rough spot, the only rough spot, and it hurts even more because I know what it is, my bf has feeling for somebody else.
Have we talked about it? oh sure, we did, maybe twice. The point was that I understood what was going on and I agreed to give us time to fix this together. I am always happy when I am around him, but when I am not, my mind starts having this negative thoughts about him contacting the other girl ( the one he has the feeling for).
I am asking myself ” why am I still feel insecure and lonely in this relationship and still want to be with him?”. The answer is ” I don’t know”. Just like when I asked him why and how he had feeling for her, and his answer simply was that ” I don’t know”.
Will I ever can forgive, forget and trust again?
Will I ever find the one who truly loves me and cares for me?
Will I ever find the one who understands I love him because who he is? not because I want his money or status?
Will I ever feel secure again?
well, I am too young for this still, time to get some drinks.
And possibly move on.
“When you are young, beautiful, charming and lively, if you are all these things and if his eyes are still not placed on you, and if he doesn’t think the world of you and if he doesn’t want to adore you with all he has; he never will”